So many of the thoughts I have, focus around what's happening to me right now, and then they develop into what may happen in my future. Some people live for today; others plan. Since I discovered my independence and the fact that I can look after myself, I, too, wish to live for today because, as I keep reminding myself, life is too short. Perhaps I am middle aged. Is 45 middle aged? I never have worked it out. I guess it depends what age you live until, but none of us know that, do we? So if I live until I'm 90, then I guess I am middle aged.
I close my eyes in the darkness of my room and ponder today, tomorrow, next week, next year. I have no idea what kind of mood I'll be in from one day to the next. I can get up and be raring to go, ready to face the world with a smile and a made up face. Or I can get up and feel a need to wrap myself in protective clothing, afraid to let the world enter my thoughts. Most nights I lie awake and think about the people I know, how they help me to turn day into night and night into day, how different my life would be if they weren't a part of it. Some of these thoughts leave me thinking about the future: will the people I ponder be a part of it, or will they become a memory?
Live for today or plan for the future. I haven't yet worked it out. Perhaps when I'm 90 I will.